Morning Thoughts, Talking to God, Talking to Myself

I’ve been thinking… the way God gives me ideas? The way the universe downloads things straight into my spirit? Creative pitches, concepts, directions they come to me so clearly. And then I sit here wondering:

Am I insulting God by not acting on them?

Like, am I disrespecting the universe by procrastinating?

By letting fear get in my way?

By letting my own overthinking keep me still?

Because why would an idea come to me in the first place if God wasn’t going to clear a path for me to achieve it? Why would I be shown something if I wasn’t meant to build it?

So now I’m like…

What is it in me that I need to figure out so I can actually move on these ideas instead of letting myself stay stagnant?

Like, bro… I have t-shirts already packaged with a lighter and a sticker. Ready to sell. And they’re just sitting on a shelf collecting dust.

I have a seed that already popped already showing life and I still haven’t cleaned my tent from the last grow. That tent is literally waiting for me, and I’m like, “damn, I’ll get to it later,” knowing damn well the plant is on its way regardless.

And yes, part of it is that I genuinely have so much on my plate.

I want to do everything, but I’m only one person.

That’s just the side-hustle side of me the ideas God puts in my mind, the content concepts, the little pushes I feel in my spirit.

Now if we’re talking about my everyday life?

I have my son to take care of. Make sure he eats, get him to school, get myself to work. Then I’m dealing with other people’s kids all day and some of them come in with the worst attitudes. The amount of energy it takes to not take things personally? To reverse-psychology a kid into being productive? It’s a lot. It drains you in a way people don’t understand unless they’ve lived it.

Then there’s my mental state.

The grief I carry about my brother every single day.

And not just him… but the other people I’ve lost.

My best friend from college, Shawn.

My homegirl Michelle.

The one who spent years telling me to start posting on YouTube consistently. She saw the vision for me before I even understood it. And even after all the losses, I still haven’t been consistent in the way she believed I could be. And that sits on my heart sometimes.

So yeah… these are just my morning reflections. Thoughts in my head. Conversations I have with God when I’m quiet and honest with myself.

And at the same time, I’m so grateful.

I woke up today.

I have a roof over my head.

My son has food. I have food.

I have money in my pocket.

I have a great man someone who genuinely puts in effort, who takes care of me in ways I don’t even have to ask for.

So when I really think about it…

What more do I need to start?

What excuse do I really have left?

Because if God gave me the idea, the vision, the path…maybe the only thing left to do is take the first step.